For many of us, the decision to end a friendship can be a difficult and guilt-ridden one. However, a recent article by Annalisa Barbieri in The Guardian highlights the importance of prioritising our own wellbeing and setting healthy boundaries in relationships.
A reader wrote to Barbieri about a friend who had experienced childhood trauma and mental health issues, but whose behaviour had become increasingly toxic, including outbursts and dismissive behaviour. Despite the friend's claims of being a victim, the reader felt drained and guilty about ultimately ghosting them.
UKCP-accredited psychotherapist Noel Bell weighed in on the situation, suggesting that the reader was 'very self-aware and emotionally honest' to reflect on their feelings and acknowledge the toxic nature of the friendship. Bell noted that compassionate people can sometimes confuse healthy concern for others with tolerating toxic behaviour.
'Having issues' does not give someone a free pass to mistreat or abuse others, Bell explained. He also pointed out that a friendship can become an unsustainable 'caretaking role' when one person is required to neglect their own emotional needs and wellbeing just to keep the other person stable.
Ultimately, Bell felt that the reader had no other option but to walk away, and that choosing one's own peace of mind over someone else's emotional demands is not selfish, but rather self-care.
For many UK readers, this story will resonate, as it highlights the importance of prioritising our own wellbeing and setting healthy boundaries in relationships. What this means for you is that it's okay to say no and set boundaries with friends who are draining or toxic.