For years, being straight was the norm, but times are changing. A growing sense of unease is emerging in society, with some even suggesting that being in a heterosexual relationship – particularly for women – has become 'embarrassing'. This isn't just a fringe opinion; it's a complex issue at the heart of our shifting culture.
At its core, this phenomenon is rooted in a concept called 'heteropessimism', coined by scholar Asa Seresin in 2019. It describes a sense of hopelessness or disaffection with straight experience – one that's been gaining traction online and in media analyses. A viral essay by Seresin sparked the debate, followed by numerous articles exploring this sentiment, including a piece in Vogue asking whether having a boyfriend is 'embarrassing now?'.
Figures from a 2022 Gallup poll suggest that nearly 1 in 5 Gen Z identifies as something other than heterosexual. This statistic has fuelled arguments like those made by author Phoebe Maltz Bovy, who writes that straight women are on the decline – and not obsolete, but 'reactionary' for desiring men.
However, not everyone agrees with this bleak view. A growing movement is pushing back against what they see as an overemphasis on hopelessness. As one piece in the New York Times argued, 'being straight is great, actually', and that there's never been a better time to pursue heterosexuality.
Critics argue that the intense focus on 'heteropessimism' might be limited to online communities, rather than reflecting a broader societal issue. While acknowledging that pop culture often depicts antagonism in heterosexual relationships – such as men resenting 'nagging wives' or women holding grudges against 'useless husbands' – and studies show women still do more housework and caregiving, they argue these issues don't necessarily equate to an overarching hopelessness about heterosexuality itself.