Efforts to avoid misery, such as pushing painful thoughts out of mind or controlling unchangeable situations, may ultimately lead to greater unhappiness. While these strategies might offer temporary relief from pain, they can result in increased misery over time.
Research by psychologist Nicholas Epley indicates that consistently avoiding interactions, such as declining to chat with a stranger, can prevent potentially rewarding experiences. Similarly, in close relationships, individuals sensitive to rejection may pre-emptively reject others, inadvertently provoking the very outcome they sought to avoid.
A survey of adults found that among those who felt they took the wrong amount of risk, the majority believed they took too few. The primary reason cited was a desire to avoid negative emotions like fear and regret. This avoidance can create a 'stockpile of upward counterfactuals'—regrets about missed opportunities—which psychologists suggest haunt individuals longer than regrets of commission.
Mental avoidance, through distraction or busyness, also contributes to this effect. Suppressing sadness can flatten the entire emotional range, potentially leading to a state of emotional numbness rather than genuine happiness. Studies suggest that confronting pain, by focusing on it or labelling emotions, can be more effective than avoidance in diminishing its intensity and aiding recovery.